Netflix’s “The Greatest Roast of All Time Tom Brady” live show has the craziest evening for Tom Brady. The night is filled with stars and celebrities like Kim Kardashian, Jeff Ross, Bill Belichick, Will Ferrell, Rob Gronkowski, and more.
Nikki Glaser Tom Brady roast was the best roast on the evening when famous stand-up comedian Nikki Glaser joked was the first comedian to refer to the quarterback’s ex, Bridget Moynahan.
On the show, everyone present laughed their lungs out; legendary NFL tight end Rob Gronkowski just started smashing table glass in front of him on Nikki Glaser’s Bridget Moynahan joke.
“Your ex wife’s new boyfriend can kick your ass while eating hers.” — Nikki Glaser
Glaser also roasted Brady on his divorce from his ex-wife, Gisele Bündchen.
“You have seven rings. Well, eight. Now, the Gisele gave hers back.” — Nikki Glaser
The all other jokes made to roast Tom Brady are as follow:
- “This is where Jerry Bus laid his dick out. This was called the Fucking Forum.” – Kevin Hart
- “Tom brought Boston with him tonight. I’ve never seen Inglewood so white. It looks like a Bruce Springsteen concert just let out. This used to be the home of the Lakers; now it’s the home of the Quakers.” – Kevin Hart
- “I’m not here for your support. I’m here for the money. They paid me very well.” — Kevin Hart
- “It’s been two years since Tom has gotten divorced. And since then, Tom’s been fucking. Tom has been putting that two-inch tool to work. Tom has been fucking so much; his dick has gotten CTE.” — Kevin Hart
- “Gisele is here as Antonio Brown’s plus one.” — Kevin Hart
- “You know who else fucked that coach. Gisele. She fucked that karate man…. eight karate classes a day, and she’s still a white belt?” — Kevin Hart
- “Chelsea Handler is here…. Speaking of black dick, Kim is here tonight.”
- “I’ve just come from hell. Aaron Hernandez says hello.” — Jeff Ross
- “I had to dress like OJ because I’m about to kill this white bitch right here.” — Jeff Ross
- “You really put the Jizz in Gisele.” — Jeff Ross
- “You look like a vampire that only drinks almond blood.” — Jeff Ross
- “I really wanted Kevin [Hart] to host because he already looks like a deflated football.” — Jeff Ross
- “Surely, if Mark Twain were around today, he would call you a N…. a national treasure.” — Jeff Ross
- “I love you, Dana; you’re like Michael Vick but with human beings.” — Jeff Ross
- “We’re doing it Boston style tonight. You know it’s going to marathon, and somebody’s gonna bomb.” — Jeff Ross
- “We wanted to roast you in Florida, but because of your governor, we wouldn’t have been able to call you gay.” — Jeff Ross
- “I’m the best decision your organization has ever made. Would you like a massage?”– Jeff Ross
- “Why the fuck didn’t we cheat when I was there?” — Randy Moss
- “The only difference between Tom Brady and Hitler is that Hitler stuck with his wife until the end.” — Tom Segura and Bert Kreischer
- “I love your movies, or as I like to call them, short films.” — Nikki Glaser towards Kevin Hart
- “That’s why Dana [White] is here, so you can learn how to fuck a Brazilian out of half their purse. Sorry that was a Gisele quote” — Andrew Schulz
- “Or as I like to call him, Leonardo DiCaprio‘s ex-girlfriend’s ex-husband.” — Julian Edelman
- “This stage has seen more trauma than a Kennedy on the campaign trail.” — Andrew Schulz
- “ACL is the only injury Gronk can spell.” — Andrew Schulz
- “Nikki, who wrote that? Where was that your entire career.” — Tony Hinchcliffe:
- “your Super Bowl ring is just like my strap-on; just because you put it on doesn’t mean it’s real.” — Sam Jay
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